all i feel

[listening to London Town par Emily Loizeau et Andrew Bird]

I haven’t updated in a while…
I have this bittersweet feeling in me about everything. Music, friends, family, life, school. Its hillarious this poster sums up just how I feel, I feel like I’m sitting down watching my life pass me by. I try to get up but I can’t.

He is giving me a headache, he is so sweet to me and sometimes i don’t think he is. The moment I turn my back he turns me around. I feel like I’m spinning, he makes me so dizzy. All I want to do is talk to him. I feel like an idiot, a complete idiot…

and music, somethings going wrong, I don’t know whats going on. I want to do it but I don’t…for some reason I want to just audition for curtis right now and if I get in I leave, if I don’t I laugh and learn. why can’t I? I don’t like whats going on right now…

am I ever going to make people laugh and cry so hard and text me so often that I’ll become annoyed? all I know is that until then…

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i’m thinking of going back to blogspot…

for the sake of two friends ;D

the caged bird

I feel like I’m staring out of a cage looking at others. You never let me out, I’m never free to fully express myself. I’m so restrained in this space you give me. I want you to unlock the cage and let me fly free, I feel exasperated.’

wouldn’t it be better if you just opened the cage? I would be free, I would be happy, I wouldn’t have to rebel, to work so hard.

my mum demands that I quit the mozart festival.

listening

So I’m listening to Ravel’s Bolero and it sounds different to me…

different parts are beginning to be heard, and I’m just so surprised! I used to not really like Bolero…but now I do.

my competition is this week, I want to throw all my homework in practice

if i had an A in every class I would do that, what an easy week it would have been…

i’m really stupid i’m worrying over socializing with him more so than my competition, some musician I am hm?

note to self

over winterbreak seriously start contemplating college and organizing everything, make trees to see what schools are connected to what.

Organize by most desirable to least

organize by state
organize by country

and TRY TO GET IN CONTACT WITH THE FACULTY.

note to self go to east coast in the spring, note to self figure out how to determine information about european schools

note to self it would be easier if you ask stuart about european schools, or austin.

note to self start apush so you could think about this

notes notes notes

beethoven sonata no. 21 “waldestein”

is really sweet and cute, I really love the piece. It makes you feel dizzy, and yet there is this sudden power that makes you so attentive and captivated. It has some melancholy in it but it comes back to that sweet, determined cute theme. Its like someone’s heart pounding…how funny it sounds like my feelings -_-

its so stupid I was listening to this song a couple days ago and I couldn’t think of a song for him to play yesterday, yeah ravel’s my favorite piano composer but why didn’t i say beethoven? number 21?

But when he plays, i can remember sitting there and listening it was quiet and then he played, there isn’t anything that could compare to the feeling. its like whenever margaret plays a marimba piece, you can’t think of anything else to do but listen and look at the person, you just look at them and..you just hold your breath, because they just really captivate you.